I dunno la what has happened to my blog, coding error ke miss setting ke but suddenly appearance went all wrong. Whenever I click my blog URL it automatically direct me to this ‘specific’ entry link (which I believe is the latest entry link) without being asked. So lazy to godek godek and find the missing /error source, haiyoh.

It has been a while I haven’t updated any news from here. Blogging somehow has not become a therapy for me nowadays, though I do have lots of things to share and to be documented. The ‘mood’ usually comes at wee hours esp when I cudnt sleep at nite but too lazy to find lappie to type. So i end up ‘talking’ to hubby while staring and envying his deep sleep, and sometimes i got ‘reply’ from his snoring too!

Of baby updates

Am currently in my 19 weeks, still not showing, and yet gaining just slightly 1kg from my pre-pregnancy weight. I was diagnosed to have moderate anemic pregnancy with hb reading was 8.4/11 at  15 weeks pregnancy. Still throwing out occasionally, still cudnt smell or eat any fish or any fish based foodies. Baby really knows what she/he wants to eat, sometimes even chicken was also being rejected when she/he didn’t like it. Her/his newest hating list now has included Iberet Folic, the pill that I have to consume daily together with additional iron pill. So, now I have to rely on pills supplied by Klinik Kerajaan (KK) only. Such a fussy eater la baby ni. ish ish.

But amazingly, when we were out traveling or going somewhere, she/he didnt make any fuss at all. mual and loya pun kurang. Tatau la sebab dia paham kot I pesan, sbb everytime when we want to go out, I slowly cakap, “Baby..now we want to go X/Y/Z. please behave. kalau tak nanti ayah tanak bawak kita jalan2 lagi”. Aside from rasa pening pening lalat bila dah jalan lelama, yg urge to vomit tu lansung tader. Early this month, we went to Universal Studios Singapore with my in laws family, where I had late lunch and dinner, jalan dpd pagi sampai ke malam sampai penat dan pening2 dah, but alhamdulillah no throwing out. Hmm…ni mesti kaki jalan ni.

Another thing that I noticed recently is, she/he response when hubby cakap, “Baby…cuba tengok ibu ni..dia yadayadyayada..” (Ok, hubby ada satu perangai suka ngadu bila aku tarik muka when he teased to much). It was a gentle fluttering which at first I thought was gas, tp bila tak keluar angin pun lepas tu baru la aku perasan it is her/his movement. Oh, sudah pandai pilih geng ka?

We haven’t check the baby’s gender yet, but I dunno why, I am really hoping that our first is a she Hope baby is doing well in my tummy, I dont mind having the leg cramps, muntah2, pening2, and all the sickness in the world as long as she/he is doing fine inside

PS : tp kan baby, wouldn’t it be better if you let me eat and digest and not rejected easily? so at least you’ll be more healthier and bigger coz ibu bukannya berani nak pegang baby kecik2 tau.

Of broken friendship

Late last year, I had sort of disagreement with a friend whom I consider is a very good friend of mine. We have been friends for long time already, and during the time of course there were many ups and downs in between and yet we still remain being friends.

I have to admit, part of the things that had happened was due to what I’ve said to her. I was harsh and I am sorry.  But to be honest, things between us were also not good for quite sometime as I have been talking inside me. I became sensitive and no longer can accept  things on what she claimed was a joke, or what simply she claimed was her being herself. I found there might be nothing else that we can share as everything that she doesn’t wanna hear or hate to hear is everything that evolve around my world now. Seems like suddenly we don’t have anything in common. Senang cerita, I just don’t know how to be her friend anymore.

So I choose to keep my distance and hold my breath. I thought as time goes by, I might find a way to mend this broken ties but ntahla..lagi lama lagi rasa tawar hati. I think the reason to it is.. people move on. I may have moved on to another chapter, while she on the other hand, is still struggling on the last chapter. So until we will be in the same page, I guess nothing much can be done. As much as she doesn’t want to understand, involve or let alone to know in my current life, I also tatau cemana nak bwk diri to be in her life. It feels awkward. Macam ada missing somewhere.

Like hubby said, some friends come and go like a season. Others are arranged in our lives for good reason. Maybe there’s a reason or hikmah, well I don’t really know.

Of meeting someone you definitely don’t want to meet even in 1000 years

Last week, I went to KL by myself and had lunch alone at SOGO food court. I have been craving this nasi ayam from a food stall there yg aku rasa is closed to the taste that my mom cook. I chose to sit at a table in front of drinks counter area so that I can still watching the food tray on the table while ordering juice from the counter. With orange juice on my left hand, I sat facing to the waterfall and suddenly my eyes met someone’s.

Dan nak tau sapa dia…jeng jeng jeng…

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.

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THE X-fiance. (please notice the big X there, definitely dame ningen desu!)

Teruus I change my seat, giving my back to him. I am positive during that split seconds that he definitely saw me, and very positive he smirked when seeing me (he was eating with a male colleague I guess).

Why oh why. I have prayed night and day to never meet this dame ningen at all, but now unexpectedly after 4 years and I was eating alone pulak tu..haih,kalau ngan hubby syokkk la sikit (apa, ingat aku tak laku ke?)

Btw, masa makan tu i texted hubby and telling him this and this and this. Hubby terus called right away. hihihi.

Taderla rasa apa pun, cuma I wonder..does his marriage turn out happy all time as what he expected it to be? OK, to tell the truth, this guy believe that kalau couple tak gaduh2 means happy je la the marriage. Ada ke pikir camtu kan? Ingat dalam dunia ni ada 2 org yg dah di-cater sama background, thinking, environment and education ke?

He finished his lunch early and walked to the escalator which happened to be at the same direction I was facing, dan pada masa tu I managed to see his figure… My oh my! He is getting fatter and boroi-er than ever! Nasib baik aku tak jadi kawen ngan dia hahahaha (OK, i know this sounds evil, but obesity always lead to many penyakit dahla dgn heavy smoker lg…)

I stand up and leave the place with a happy face. I know I have definitely make a right choice, marrying the right person. And for the first time, I think I finally get my final closure

Of future career

With baby on the go, I don’t think my current job can fit me as a mom.

Even I am in my unpaid leave, I don’t think that I want to go back to my workplace after my confinement period. Dan yang peliknya…now suddenly terpikir nak apply for lecturing post.

Apa la mak aku dah doa kat Mekah ni. huhu.

Hubby pun mmg dr dulu bersekongkol ngan mak. Sibuk suruh sambung study attached ngan uni, kalau boleh kat luar lagi..sbb dia nak ikut (sabor je ler)

Haish. Nak ke tanak? nak ke tanak?

Aku sekarang tgh bercuti panjang. MD adviced me to take long leave until delivery due to my severe morning sickness. Seriously apa aku makan semua nak muntah balik. Panel clinic adviced me to seek further treatment at hospital to let water drip into my body. Tapi so far aku tak pegi lg, sbb aku rasa ok bila kat rumah. still force myself to eat, but muntah2 bila pg je.Tapi bila kat opis sgtlah disaster tak kira pagi petang. Sampai rasa helpless. Aku rasa toilet pun dah boring tgk muka aku.

Thinking back, somehow aku rasa aku leh tau what contribute to this. Our main business deals with lots of chemical substances. Be it from the compounds (resin, silica, catalyst etc) to the solution used during testing (acetone, nitrate, sulphate etc). And me being extra and oversensitive (well, women’s reaction different from one to others) responds ‘too well’ when being indirectly exposed. Aku sebenarnya nak apply leave for a month je nak bg hilang alah, tp MD is being sangat2 caring, worrying abt the baby, pushed me to take leave until Aug. And now here i am, still at my own bed at 12pm in the afternoon. Lazy me.

Apa nak buat eh, cuti lama ni. I should find a way to benefiting this long leave. Hmm, maybe sew something for the baby? should find something that can gimme extra income. Something that i can do at home, or just required few hours/day of working like temp job. Something light, not stressful yet enjoyable.

I called this tuition center nearby, asking if there’s any chance of teaching. Luckily they asked me to drop by to fill up the form which i certainly did just now. When they asked if i do have any teaching experience before, heee.. i answered honestly. I DONT. I dont have any experience particularly with school students. But im used to ‘teach’ during my previous work to hundreds of operators and engineers. and they asked my rate and i answer im not aware of how much is the current rate.. well, it can be discuss later if i ever got a chance to have a proper interview. hihi, kalau ada rezeki adalahh tu.  

Other than that, im hoping that we (by we, i mean me and a friend) manage to get this translation job from this japanese MNC. heard it’s some testing manual ke apa ntah like i used to do for Panasonic last time. we’re in the midst of discussing and proposing our quotation to the company. harap2nya dapatlah… at least i can get some pocket money while having my long leave ni..

hopefully. hopefully.